Goodness

“We don’t call those relationships; we call those mistakes.”

The first time I ever heard those words, I cheered. I cheered because it seemed we should all be allowed to walk away from things that wounded us without a second glance. We should all be strong enough to brush our painful choices aside. We should all be able to live as though the past never happened.

Or so I thought.

But I was wrong.

I was wrong because wounds fester when left on their own.

I was wrong because strength does not come in ignoring the problem, but in facing it—charging ahead and staring it down until it is left with no choice but to retreat.

I was wrong because the past isn’t something we should ever forget; it’s something we should learn from. It shapes us and guides us more than we will ever know.

But mostly I was wrong because it is never our right to call someone a mistake, as if he was inherently wrong.

Maybe he wasn’t the right fit for you. Maybe trying to force the relationship hurt. But he’s not a mistake.

I think it’s time for all of us to stop trying to burn our memories into ashes.

Time to release the anger and the bitterness and the hurt and the longing to label lost loves a mistake.

Mistake, mistake, mistake.

That’s what you called him, but he wasn’t.

He isn’t.

He’s a human being.

And he deserves goodness just as much as you do.

Let’s offer him goodness, shall we?

Let’s stop cutting him down and ripping him up and telling all our friends how wrong he is.

Because once upon a time your tongue only tied beautiful things to his name. He’s still worthy of those beautiful things. You’re simply too hurt to see it.

And, darling, let me ask you: Does it truly make you feel better?

To seethe and hate and regret every moment you spent with him? Have you forgotten how precious those moments were?

Have you forgotten the joy of sitting by his side as the sky fades to black and you wrap yourself tighter in a jacket that smells of his cologne?

Will you regret those moments, too?

Will you truly regret those moments he made you feel fully alive?

I hope not.

I hope you find some other purpose that makes you feel that alive again.

And I hope you want the same for him.

I hope you only wish him Goodness. And Beauty. And Light.

Because, darling, Bitterness doesn’t suit you, Anger doesn’t fit you in the shoulders just right, and Unforgiveness is a poison that will sap the life right out of your pretty little soul.

Let it go.

Let it go and wish him all those things you wanted for him before he broke your heart.

For your sake.
For his sake.
For the sake everyone you’ve dragged into this web of bitterness.

Because we were made for good things.

Let us give only goodness wherever we go.